Sigh.It's during times like these that i miss you the most, i wonder how come i never realised how much of a fortress you were in my life. You never really served a specific function but you were just there, a constant unwavering presence that i grew so accustomed to and a source of familiarity that held my life together somewhat when the world becomes foreign and hostile.You know it made me think about my life and all the people in it all of a sudden and i started placing them into categories and after racking my brains for an entire afternoon, i came up with two broad ones-the friends and the fortresses and yes they are mutually exclusive, to me at least. There never realyl is any real certainty when it comes to friends as much as i would like to think otherwise but life hurls one painful experience after another at you and it really makes you think twice about truths that people cling on to as a life support system that was faulty to begin with anyway. Friendships do corrode and it's people like your friends that make this world so uncertain and blurry, like an extended rainy day viewed through a taxi window. When they change and shed layer after layer to reveal a new person each time, i feel robbed and cheated somehow and disorientation comes kicking in when you're forced to readjust your vision. But the fortresses remain resistant to erosion caused by caprice, emotion and just about any form of human folly you can think of and instead of adding to the tremors that make our worlds shakier that they already are, people like that hold them still for us when everyone else is just way too eager to pull the rug from under our feet.

It's sad and sobering though to take a quick survey of our social landscape to realise how few and far between these fortresses are though in our lives, if any at all. I guess that's what family is for, they don't always say or do the right things and thuey do piss us off like no one else can but when everything else is taken away from you, you start to see how functionalism ceases to matter when it comes to people like them and they make a world of difference by just being there, untainted by the plague of inconstancy that the world is afflicted with now. That's why i miss you so much, because sibling relations dont snap like twigs at the slightest touch but they always find some way to hold it together when things go awry.

And now you're just, i dont know.

A pile of ashes.Remnants of a fortress that can never be rebuilt.Ha, life and it's innumerable paradoxes, i wonder how someone can be so dead and yet so alive at the same time.

God, stop this world from shifting beneath my feet. And thank you, for being the fortress of all fortresses.

addendum:okay i sound so fatalistic, i mean i will be seeing her again and all but it's just WAY TOO BLARDY LONG. You know?